Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing the best I can for my kids.
Yall- have you ever felt like maybe your kid(s) would be better off with someone else as their mom? Do you see those Pinterest perfect mom on Instagram and wonder wtf is in her coffee? Heck, most mornings I don’t even put on real shoes, and drive my big kid to school in slippers.
Mom guilt is a common struggle many mothers face. (TBH, any parent can feel this, but for the sake of this blog post I will be speaking out Mothers). Parental Guilt, Mom Guilt, caregiver guilt… whatever. It’s the nagging feeling that you’re not doing enough or not doing it right. Whether it’s guilt over working too much, needing time for yourself, or not being the “perfect” mom, the pressure can feel overwhelming.
I feel it too, which is why I want to help. We’ll explore the impact of mom guilt impact and practical strategies to help you manage it. Hopefully you’ll feel more confident, supported, and empowered to focus on what matters most… your well-being and your family.
Understanding Mom Guilt
Mom guilt is that nagging feeling that you’re just not doing it right. You worry you’re not spending enough time with your kids, then feel guilty for wanting a break. You compare yourself to other moms online, and it feels like you’re always falling short. Mom groups are there to support and encourage, but instead they make us feel ashamed of what we aren’t doing or the milestones our kids aren’t reaching.
Society puts a lot of pressure on us to be perfect moms, with a successful career and a spotless house. The expectations are beyond unrealistic. Stay-at-home-moms are expected to do all the parenting and housework, and do it with a smile. Our own inner critic is the worst. She’s always whispering that we could be doing better, and comparing ourselves to others. I am constantly finding myself deep in that comparison trap.
The Impact of Mom Guilt
Mom guilt really takes a toll on you mentally and physically. You might find yourself constantly worrying, which can lead to anxiety and even depression. (It’s always a good idea to speak with your provider if your anxiety feels uncontrollable. Even if it doesn’t feel like typical postpartum depression, the constant worry can’t be serious.)
Trying to do it all can leave you feeling completely burnt out. And let’s be honest, guilt can strain your relationships- with your partner, your friends, and even your kids. The last thing you want is your mom guild making your children feel like they’re doing something wrong to make you sad. That will only increase your mom guilt. The feedback loop of shame is unsustainable. You can’t do it alone.
i bet if you asked the next dozen or so moms, who’s babies are still under a year old, they’ll admit to the struggle of post partum anxiety. The stress might push them to cry alone in the shower, neglecting their own needs, and feeling like failures despite doing their best. Heck- a lot of days I forget to eat, and need to set reminders on my phone. We all go through it. We are not alone. You’re not alone in this.
Strategies for Managing Mom Guilt
1. Practice Self-Compassion
Imagine a friend going through a tough time. Would you be harsh and critical? Probably not. You’d likely offer support and understanding. So why do we treat ourselves so differently? It’s time to show ourselves the same kindness and compassion we offer our loved ones.
Start with a few minutes of meditation each day to quiet the mind and focus on your breath. Repeat positive affirmations like “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” If you can’t do this in the morning, try it during naptime. Reset your mind. And remind yourself that you are doing everything your family needs.
2. Reframe Negative Thoughts
Negative self-talk is a mom guilt superpower, and it’s time to disarm it. If you enjoy journaling, take control of the negative thoughts on the page. Journaling can be a huge stress relief but also give you actionable tasks to fight that negativity. Write down your fears and worries, and the parts of motherhood or life that you’re struggling with, and then challenge them. Replace each struggle with a positive pov. For example. “I’m doing what I can with the time and resources I have.” Focus on facts, not feelings. Did your kids eat a healthy meal today? Amazing. Did you have a fun playtime together? Perfect. These are the wins! You don’t have to be a perfect housewife to be the best mom you can be.
3. Set Realistic Expectations
On that note- let’s be honest… the perfect household doesn’t exist, especially when you’re a mom. The influencers you see on the gram are lying. Trust me- I have pushed a pile of crap to one side of the room so I could film a video on the other side. My household is far from perfect. I try to be realistic in my clean with me video, but also I know an inaccurate home is impossible while actually living in it.
Striving for perfection will only lead to frustration and more disappointment. Prioritize tasks based on importance, not pressure. My Top Three cleaning tasks are dishes, laundry, and trash. I don’t even necessarily wash the first two, I just collect them from around the house. These three tasks alone immediately makes the room feel better.
Are you on TikTok? Check out this video on realistic cleaning.
Some days will be chaotic, and that’s ok. It’s ok to feel that struggle. It’s ok to be frustrated because you kid dumped their entire plays on the floor you swept before lunch. Celebrate small wins, like getting everyone out the door on time or reading a bedtime story without a meltdown.
4. Seek Support
Mom guilt is something we all wrestle with, but the good news is you don’t have to face it alone. We’re all going through it to some degree, which makes us great for connecting with others in solidarity. Opening up to others about your feelings can lighten the load and remind you that you’re not the only one struggling. We also have different coping methods that might help. At minimum, it’s an opportunity to hear a simple, I’ve been there.
I have a love hate relationship with mom groups on the Internet. The wrong group will have a lot of judgment and shaming – avoid those. But the good ones are invaluable. I still talk to some of the moms I met at play dates while living in Texas when Ca was a baby. Look into parenting groups or online communities where you can swap stories, share advice, and maybe even laugh at the chaos together. Bonus points if they have meetups where you can walk, do yoga, or just let the kiddos play.
If mom guilt is weighing you down, therapy can be a game-changer. It gives you the tools to navigate those tough emotions with compassion and confidence. They may even recommend a checkup with your primary caregiver, for some ppd medication. I won’t touch that too deeply in this post, but it is absolutely life changing when used correctly.
5. Focus on Self-Care
Taking care of yourself isnt selfish. My favorite expression is you can’t pour from an empty cup. When you prioritize your well-being, you’re not just helping yourself, you’re creating a happier, healthier environment for your family. Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant or time-consuming to make a difference. Start small. Take a walk around the block or squeeze in a quick workout video during nap time. Journaling can also work wonders. Try jotting down a few things you’re grateful for or reflecting on little moments that made you happy. There’s even a journaling prompt on iPhone now. My favorite way to wind down is reading in bed before going to sleep. I set a timer for 15 minutes, and that is my time.
Remember, a little self-care goes a long way to make you feel more balanced and be present for the people you love.
Mom guilt happens to the best of us, but it doesn’t have to run the show. By showing yourself some grace, questioning those nagging negative thoughts, keeping expectations realistic, leaning on your support system, and carving out time for self-care… you can take charge and find a rhythm that works for you.
There’s no such thing as a perfect mom. We’re all just doing our best. You’re not alone in this. With a little patience and these strategies, you can create a healthier, happier mindset for both you and your family. You’ve got this!